Of Not Giving A Tweet, Me To Twitter

"Every time I see someone sweeping pavement, I think of Zelda." ~ The Notorious Me Me Me

Of Decisions I Never Wish To Make, Life Ending

"The only thing that justifies a peace officer to shoot at another human being is the Overwhelming need to cause that person to immediately cease what he is doing. The need must be so great that it does not matter if the person dies as a result of being stopped." ~ Posted @ RCMP Depot, ref: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY9sfTYo1vI&feature=related

Of Utensils, Inferior

"Sporks! For eating small amounts of soup and for poking yourself in the face!" ~ The Ever Clever Me

Of Contract Lengths, Unconfirmed

"Waiting for your contract to be up so you can replace your broken phone? Everywhere else in the world has a two year contract. Only in Canada is it three years." ~ My lady's bro-in-law

Of Stock, Nonexisitant

"I just found 1/4 of our stock in this line that doesn't exist in our computer system. We will never sell it because the system doesn't know it's here!" ~ Loveable Me

Blades With Curvature

"You know what's kind of sad? We just spammed the fuck out of a 16 year old girl's relationship status on facebook." ~ The Ubiquitous Jon

Of Why Didn't You Vote, Sports Fan?

"Ah, they believe ignorant referees in hockey are worthy of murder but political influences are moot." ~ My Wandering Mind

Of Wisdom, Well Aged

"He was trained by a German Master Mechanic. I was trained by a German Shepherd." ~ The Foreman

Of Memes That Should Have Caught On, Skyrim

"Curved.. Swords." ~ Solitude Guard

Of Flowers, Delivered To A Co-Worker

"Why won't you give your flowers to my girlfriend? They're just gonna die anyway!" ~ Romantic Me

Of Computers, At Work

"They've messed up the system so bad, its terminal." Disgruntled Employee

Of Motivators, Motivating

"Any charge not negative must be positive." ~ Me

Of Miscalculation, Severe

"I don't know anyone who is sick more often than him, including me!" ~ Someone Who Is Sick More Often Than Him

Of Scents, Duplicate

"It must really confuse the dog. They [the twins] probably smell the same." ~ Mechanic Jen

Of Homeowners, Soon To Be

"I can't stop driving by the house, I feel like a stalker." ~ Candice

Of Cries for Help

"I'm not leaving my own little world until you're out of this one." ~ My Lovely Jen

Of Policies, Mafia

"Ditches get snitches" ~ Anonymous

Of Service Customers, Just Booked

"Is my vehicle ready to go?" ~ Mr. & Mrs. Patient

Of Hate, Akin To Racial

"You're angrier than a Black Panther rally." ~Jon

Of Names, Shortened

"How do you get Dick out of Richard?" ~ Anonymous